On Monday night January 2, 2023, the football community and more witnessed a life-threatening accident that put Damar Hamlin in the hospital in critical condition. Thoughts, prayers, and an overall outpouring of love for Hamlin were sent out in various mediums. Our thoughts are first with Damar and his family as well as those impacted.
In moments like this, there are a myriad of feelings beginning expressed and experienced by the entire community. Players, coaches, staff, those in attendance, fans watching the broadcast, people who have learned after the fact, and more. Each individual sees and experiences the event through their own perception.
Unfortunately, in our social media world, what has also followed this event is the all-too-familiar arguing and insult-hurling. Asking a question about what this could mean for standings, schedules, or fantasy football leagues has become a battleground for some. These arguments do not help either party and do nothing for the health of Damar Hamlin. What these arguments do is show a lack of understanding and compassion that we all too often show one another.
Every one of us is different and we experience things differently. An event, like the one on Monday night, could be labeled personally traumatic to one individual and not to another. The impacts of the event are felt differently as well. In fact, The DSM-V (the handbook for mental health disorders) has revised its own definition of trauma and stress from the previous version in its own grappling of the concept creating a new category, Trauma and Stressor Disorders.
When we approach others expecting them to respond in the same way as us we are setting ourselves up for disappointment, anger, sadness, or other negative feelings. Stress in general can trigger all of these feelings and more. Responses to an extreme stressor can range from fear, anxiety, impatience, feeling wound up, etc. These feelings can lead to an inability to feel positive emotions, irritability, and avoidance. Avoidance can be seen as not wanting to engage with reminders of the event or as a desire to “go back to normal” as quickly as possible.
I’m not here to defend, promote, or in any other way engage with comments that have been made regarding what happened to Damar Hamlin or how others have responded to it. I am simply offering an alternative to rebuking others’ responses. Some cope by letting feelings overcome them and that is ok. Others cope by pressing on so they do not need to experience the feelings brought forth by the stressor and that is ok. Some cope by seeking out humor, which some or many may find offensive, but that too is ok. Even deeper, others will cope in ways that you nor I can even fathom and that is ok as well.
In short, what we need in these moments is not the policing of feelings but the humility to accept that your way of coping will not be the same for everyone else. And, the grace to allow others to cope in their own way while being able to express when that hurts us without needing to hurt them in return.
If you need help coping with the situation or any other traumatic or stressful situation please reach out to your nearest mental health organization, a friend, a family member, a trust confident, or anyone else that will listen.
We all wish you well Damar Hamlin.
Please consider donating to Damar’s foundation: The Chasing M’s Foundation Community Toy Drive.
Mental Health
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